July 2019…
I worked so hard to put my hurt and anger aside after my evaluation. Finally, I convinced myself that it was all a mistake, that I had overreacted, and this was just how things would be. I just needed to suck it up and move on. It wasn’t easy, but I had too much to accomplish just to quit.
However, when I look back on things, I realize that’s probably exactly what I should’ve done.
I should’ve quit.
Here’s why I couldn’t.
I still felt very strongly that God was calling me to this position. He hadn’t released me.
I also very much felt like the problem was all me. I thought I was just tired, worn out, and a little depressed.
Maybe this was just a season of burnout.
I talked to the pastor about it on a few occasions. He agreed that it had been a hard summer, and he promised me that I could have the month of August off. This was music to my ears.
I wouldn’t have to attend staff meetings or work on projects. I would only be required to come to services and take care of my regular Sunday responsibilities.
I wouldn’t have the fall fest to plan this year either. That will take another post to explain.
Anyway, I tricked myself into believing I would be ok if I could just make it to August. I continued to pray that God would restore my energy and my love for the ministry and that He would give me the excitement I once had.
I got a quick getaway with my husband the first week of July. It required me to be gone on a Sunday morning, which was a big deal. I went anyway.
We returned home from that trip just in time to get our daughter packed and ready for music camp.
Vacation Bible School was just around the corner.
It took a massive team of people to pull off this event and months of preparation. There was a team for each area; there was a kitchen team, a decorating team, a craft team, a greeter team, a sound team, a light team, etc.
One thing this church did well was that they didn’t skimp on things. It was important to them that kids have every possible opportunity. So they would always give toward VBS, camps, and events… they were very generous. I appreciated that very much.
And as I’ve said before, the people were extremely talented. They could do just about anything.
I worked for months to plan VBS, but I wasn’t the only one. This VBS team worked too, and they were volunteers.
There was one person that helped carry me through that 2019 VBS. It’s hard to get excited about anything when you feel so overwhelmed. But, this person loved VBS, maybe even more than I did. He started listening to the songs and planning how the lights and sound would work with the lyrics way before I had even opened my VBS packet for the year. Then, he would find me every Wednesday night to give me a new idea. He did this every year, but in 2019, I honestly couldn’t have done it without him. I didn’t have the space in my mind to think about VBS, but his excitement helped remind me how important this was. I appreciated it so much. He was invested. He shared my same vision of doing everything possible to share Jesus with these kids, and he found amazing ways to do it.
There were others that did the same thing. This church loved VBS and they went all out. It was so much fun.
As I type this out, I remember people’s faces, the excitement, the dedication… I wish I could name every single one of them…
That’s why I want to be careful when sharing these things. I can only talk about how they made me feel, but I in no way mean that I did them alone.
I was just the leader and organizer. Some people worked much harder than I did. They volunteered hours to help.
I also don’t want to sound like I thought Tree Town Baptist was a terrible place. In the end, the church hurt me in a way that I can’t even describe, but that church is made up of some wonderful people.
I don’t know how they feel about me anymore or where I stand with them, but the reason leaving the church hurt so bad wasn’t because I loved the building. It was because I loved these people so much.
Some things need to happen to make the church a healthy place and some eyes need to be opened, but I believe that through God’s mercy and grace, these things can be redeemed, and the church could be a healthier place than it has been.
It’s easy to say that the pastor is the problem, and for me, that’s what it came down to, the pastor. But some deep work needs to be done to change the church’s culture so that the things this pastor did can’t be repeated if and when new leadership comes in.
This isn’t a problem that is exclusive to Tree Town. I feel like churches all around the world need to reexamine some things. What kind of culture have we created?
What kind of evil breeds within the walls of God’s church?
What has happened to the vision that Jesus gave the church?
Where’s the Great Commission in the day-to-day life of the church?
It’s certainly not in toxic staff meetings, and it’s not in petting people, it’s also not in making the church a Country Club.
It happens when we humble ourselves, take a good look inside and realize that what the church has become is not at all what Jesus intended for it to be
I remember telling my husband not long after we left Tree Town that I thought we were given a gift of seeing things for what they were. Our blinders were off. It seemed a waste to keep that to ourselves. Surely we weren’t the only ones who had experienced what we had. So, I told him that I wanted to see churches across America change the way they did things, that I wanted the “machine” of the church to fall and the vision restored and I wanted to figure out a way to make that happen. It was my new goal, one that I had no idea how to reach.
In all that had happened, I wanted to do everything I could to make sure that no one else ever walked through something the same as I had. I had no way of knowing how I would do that, but I knew it was what I felt called to do.
I wanted the church as a whole to hit its knees and realize that all the money, all the politics, all the hate, and all the power were simply evil and so far away from what the church was supposed to be.
It sounds so harsh, I know, but it’s true.
Many churches in America have become nothing more than tax-exempt organizations who plot and plan “the next big” thing while leaving behind the only One that should ever be made much of, and His name is Jesus.
A group of people can be amazing, and the folks at Tree Town baptist were, and a building can be beautiful, and Tree Town Baptist was, people can join, people can come to everything that is planned, people can give generously, and they did… but when the focus is on a man, a building, a status, an event… it’s all wrong. I think that is part of the wood, hay, and stubble that God describes in 1 Corinthians that doesn’t survive the fire.
Can a church be so lost in what they are doing and who they are trusting that they lose sight of what really matters?
Can they be so confused that what they think is building the Kingdom of God is doing more to harm it instead?
It’s hard to even think about. It’s a tough inward view of everything we thought was good and right.
I challenge you to try it.
Strip away everything that the church and religion have made “Christianity” and only add back what Jesus wanted it to be. It really does become a “Simple Church”…
The first day of VBS was a success. I don’t know if the simple words Vacation Bible School describe the event’s enormity. This was a weeklong production with over 100 volunteers, lights, cameras, action, crafts, meals, music, petting zoos, prizes, contests, decorations, skits, and over 200 kids. There was a drop-off, sign-in, and pick-up. In addition, there were greeters, teachers, photographers, dancers, actors, cooks, and a clean-up crew.
VBS was in July, and the planning started in October… a full nine months earlier. It was a lot. It was amazing. It was my favorite week of the entire year. I loved it.
But in 2019, I wanted to be anywhere but there. Despite every hour I spent planning it, I just wanted to go home and go to bed. And by the end of the week, I was sick as a dog. I came home after the 4th night and had 102 degrees of fever.
I hydrated the next day, took some ibuprofen, and kept going.
I finished the week out with excellence. My intern was a star. She worked her tail off. My kids walked with me every step of the way. My husband and his friend did a craft every night with 200 kids, totally out of their comfort zone, but they were willing and did a fantastic job.
There were other special people that God used to carry me through that week.
I wouldn’t have made it without them.
The week went off without a hitch.
The most memorable night of the week was always our Gospel night. We shared the Gospel every night, but on Wednesday night, we gave each class a special time to respond at the end of the lesson.
One thing I will always remember about that week was that my son’s best friend taught the lessons each night to kids from Kindergarten through 5th grade, and he did an excellent job. Watching a high school senior stand in front of a group of kids and teach them about Jesus was so cool. I was very proud of him, and I still am.
When Wednesday night came around, we were ready.
It’s so important to share the Gospel with kids clearly and concisely. You don’t want to pressure a child in any way to respond. It’s crucial that they do this on their own and not because another kid does.
I’ve seen kids walk the aisle just because their friend did or just because they wanted to be baptized. I wanted to put safeguards in place to make sure that didn’t happen.
I never liked asking kids to raise their hands, pressuring them to walk the aisle, or asking them to find an adult to talk to.
All those things seemed high pressure to me, and it always felt like you could end up with kids that just wanted to follow their friends or move because it’s what the adults were telling them to do.
What if we could do it in a way that was zero pressure? What if we could make it where everyone did the same thing, and no one in the crowd even knew how someone else answered…
I had seen it done in almost every possible way, but that year I saw an idea on a Facebook group that I loved.
The idea was to make cards, and every card was identical with four different boxes to check.
1) I’ve already asked Jesus to be my Savior
2) I don’t completely understand, and I have some questions
3) I’m ready. I want to talk to someone about Jesus
4) Please pray for me
This way, each child filled out a card, so no one felt singled out, and no child was pressured to make an immediate decision. We took these cards up at the end of the night. The response was terrific. We now had follow-up work to do… my favorite kind… talking to kids about Jesus. This is why I did this “job.”
So why was I feeling so low, and why did I feel lost and confused?
I was tired, sick, and distraught, but you know what? God moved that week in a powerful way. Kids came to know Jesus. Adults had a wonderful time and felt fulfilled. The church worked together in perfect harmony. It was the highest attended VBS in the history of the church. The girls won the offering contest! I didn’t get slimed… it was perfect.
But when people complimented me on a wonderful job, I felt empty.
I went home that night completely exhausted. I had Friday to pack for camp the next week, Saturday I went with my family to see Hamilton, and Sunday was church and final camp preparations. The bus would leave for Centrikid camp at 8 a.m. Monday morning.
Until Next Time,
Whitney