Breaking the fourth wall… it’s an interesting concept.
It’s that moment in the play when the actor breaks character and stops the scripted dialogue. Then, for a small moment, they engage their audience. It’s as if, for that moment, the actor admits they know the audience is watching.
If you’ve ever been to a play when this is done, you know it’s a super personal moment. It immediately removes all preconceived notions that the actors are in a different reality and that instead, the entire time they’ve been on the stage, they’ve known that a crowd of people is sitting in the audience… watching and judging every move they make.
It’s a small world… I’ve been very transparent in the telling of my story. I signed my name to it from the very beginning. I have nothing to hide. I’ve been honest about the fact that I live 27 minutes away from “Tree Town”. 27 minutes… that’s not very far… news travels fast… people talk…
I’ve also been cautious not to use anyone’s name in this whole thing but my own. That has been intentional.
I joked with my husband in the very beginning that I was going to write this as my disclaimer…
“Names have been withheld to protect those involved… if you find yourself in my blog, that’s your fault.”
He said that wasn’t a very good idea. He was right… at the time… but things have changed, haven’t they?
If you live close to me, you probably know who I’m talking about in my story… that’s not my fault…
But to my intended audience of people in the world that have been hurt by churches… they don’t know who I’m talking about, and those are the people I’m writing to.
I’m a straight shooter… it’s my style… take it or leave it…
This blog was never intended for the people of “Tree Town”. This blog was written, from day one, to help me heal and help other people in the same situation find something in common with my story and possibly help them heal as well. It was also important to me that people in the world become aware of just how common church hurt is, and hopefully, work to remedy that.
When we left Tree Town, I hit a level of depression and loneliness that I hate to even admit. I had been a part of Tree Town Baptist for 12 years… my life revolved around it. That all changed in the blink of an eye. When most of my friends were no longer there, when the ones that left when my level of hurt was too much for them to take, and the ones that stayed had never been through anything like what I was experiencing… I didn’t know what to do…
So I sought out a community of people who had been through the same kind of thing. I found them on Twitter and on Podcasts. It was like a breath of fresh air, and it helped me so much.
What I kept hearing these people say over and over was… tell your story, write it down, share it… all of those things help the healing process, and I wanted to heal so badly. Then my kids suggested I start a blog.
And so I did… and Finding Life Beyond Church was created… I chose Twitter as my outlet to share this part of my life because that was where I found people when I needed help… and I started writing, and I started publishing… and I thought there were 3 people in the world reading it…
But I was wrong… the people of Tree Town found it… and started talking… and judging.
Some of them, though, were kind, understanding… they reached out to tell me they loved me, they encouraged me to keep on…they couldn’t believe what I had been through… they hurt with me and wished they had known all of these things in time to help me from the beginning… these people have been a Godsend. Their kind words have helped more than I can say. I appreciate them very much.
But there have been others in Tree Town that have a different opinion. They think I’m lying…
I would just like to say… thank you for thinking that… if I could write fiction that was this good, I would be a millionaire by now…
There have been others who have blocked me on social media, and there have been others who watch my social media like a hawk and remain my friend just to see what I’m up to. I get it… keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
You know what… I’ve actually said this to several people… I don’t blame the people who are angry. If I was still at Tree Town and someone was writing the things that I have, I would be mad too.
I get it… you want to protect your church, your pastor, and your ministry. I know… remember, I was on staff…
Contrary to what some believe, I’m not trying to hurt anyone, and I’m not lying. This all happened… and it’s MY story. I lived it, it almost killed me, and I own it.
But, I would like nothing more than for my story to be out there and for people to find it. Hopefully, it will help the hurting and possibly keep this from happening to anyone else.
I’m not the only one who knows these things. Ask other people who worked there when I did; they can also tell you their stories.
This thing is so out of hand that it caused a staff member to have a stroke. Do you really want to deny that?
Do you really want to pretend that Tree Town Baptist is perfect and wonderful, that it has no issues, or do you want to fix it so it can go on for another 150 years?
As for if I should tell my story or keep quiet… again, it’s MY STORY… it’s MY BLOG… I own the domain…
I kept quiet for 2 years.
I shouldn’t have.
I’ve heard a lot of silence on my end too…
Where have you been?
Some quotes that keep me going…
“An untold story never heals .”
“It’s not gossip to process pain”… Mary Demuth.
“You don’t shame the gunshot victim for bleeding on the floor,” Amy Fritz.
“When you’re doing something you believe to be right, it’s not necessarily wrong unless you keep doing it after you know it isn’t right.”
Secrets don’t heal…
I need to get this out of me, and if you’re reading this, maybe you need to know about it too.
The people of Tree Town have known me for 12 years. I served the church faithfully. I loved the children’s ministry well… you should know my character…
Stop and think about that for a moment… I lovingly served alongside the people of Tree Town. I was at almost every service (except Sunday evening services), went to every camp, and helped with every fundraiser and event… long before I was on staff…
Did I ever come across as someone who would make things up? Did I ever give the impression that I planned to leave, did I?
Just because someone holds a title in a church doesn’t mean you automatically trust them over someone you’ve known for 12 years.
Why do you think it was so crucial for me to control the narrative as the pastor asked me to… if I had said all of these things, in the beginning, you might have believed me over him…
Maybe I waited too long.
Maybe you’ve been schmoozed and led to believe something that isn’t true.
Maybe someday you will be able to see it.
Just ask the questions… if you know me… call me… I have nothing to hide.
If you think I’m lying… you’re wrong… but no one is making you read it.
I want to reiterate… I started this for myself… I started this for others hurt by churches… I chose to tell MY story… from MY perspective… My motivations were to help people.
And maybe if you’re reading this just to get angry with me, or to see what I will say next, perhaps this isn’t for you… but if what I am saying is resonating with you in some way, or if you think, hmm, that makes sense, or I’ve seen something like that happen… maybe you are the one who calls it out and makes a difference… maybe you are the beginning of the change… speak up, and speak out…
I understand that I’m spending a significant amount of time telling this portion of my story, and that’s because the wounds are still fresh. This is the area of my life that right now needs the most healing. So going through that last year detail by detail is essential. And if you know me, you already know how detail-oriented I am.
The fourth wall is going back up now… I will continue to write my story, and it will continue after the Tree Town section… I will get through 2019, then 2020, and someday I will write about what’s going on in my everyday life, and you will become bored, I’m sure.
Until Next Time,
Whitney