The Christmas Season has a way of bringing up a lot of emotions. Whether it be the Facebook memories that pop up with people you no longer have a relationship with, people who have passed away, or just simple events that you are no longer a part of… it can be hard. The absence of Christmas cards to and from people or the absence of annual Christmas parties that you attended for so many years… it’s just simply different than it was.
I realized this week that although I’ve worked through many of those emotions since we left Tree Town, I began this blog in February of 2022, so I have yet to write down all the Christmas parts. I thought that might be helpful for me… so here it is.
It’s no secret that church has been a part of my life since I was a baby.
My first Christmas in a church service would’ve been in utero, December 1977.
I have so many memories of Christmas in that small country church… of course, those memories don’t start in 1977…probably more like the early 80s.
At that particular church, the Sunday night before Christmas, we always had a Christmas program… you know where the kids dress up like all the characters in the nativity… one kid is Mary, another one Joseph, you have the animals and the kings and the shepherds… it’s the same every single year, but it becomes a part of your Christmas traditions. I remember the year I was finally old enough to be Mary. I had glasses. That makes me laugh just typing it. Mary wearing glasses… and I was so blind that I couldn’t remove them. It was a very accurate representation (insert sarcastic tone and laugh emoji)
The church would gather in the “fellowship hall”… (that’s the term for the big room with the kitchen, the fellowship hall is the correct “Christian” terminology). There was always a giant Christmas tree with presents all around it. The whole church exchanged gifts. If you wanted to give a gift to your Sunday School teacher, you put it under the tree… for the pastor, your friend, or anyone in the church; you just wrapped it and put it with the other gifts. It was always a fun time.
When we left that country church, we also left behind those Christmas church traditions. It was hard.
We left that church in the early 90s and moved to the one in the bigger town near where we lived… the one where I met Jeremy…
That church had its own Christmas traditions. There was always a Christmas program, but they did different kinds of plays, and it wasn’t always a nativity. They had a slightly more modern way of doing things, which even typing that now makes me laugh because that church was far from modern. I guess it’s all about perspective because it was much more modern than the country church of my childhood. I don’t have as many Christmas memories inside that church as I do of the one from my younger childhood. When we were at this church, I was a teenager, I had goo-goo eyes for Jeremy, and things were just different.
There was a women’s party that I couldn’t wait to be able to attend. It was called the WMA party. WMA stood for Women’s Missionary Auxillary. This was THE party. This was where the fun was. They played dirty Santa, and this was all so new and fun! I had never participated in a game of dirty Santa, so to be able to steal a gift from someone and also have a gift stolen was a whole new concept. And these women played dirty. I was thrilled when I was invited to the party and got to play the game. I have fond memories of those years.
Tree Town had its own traditions. It took us a little while to figure it out, but it was wonderful when we did. The party of all parties at Tree Town was the Co-Ed II Christmas party. Tree Town didn’t have separate women and men parties; they had them together as a Sunday School class. This, again, was new for me, but I enjoyed it immensely. They also played Dirty Santa, but their rules were a bit different. These parties were full of laughs, good food, and fellowship… they were always a highlight of my year.
Tree Town also had other traditions… it was for kids to give a gift to their Sunday School teachers and their AWANA leaders. My children loved picking out these gifts and delivering them to their teachers. It was fun.
If you were an adult leader in any area of AWANA, it was also customary for you to give gifts to those leaders as well, separate from the ones the children gave.
I found myself carrying baskets filled with handmade gifts, homemade goodies, or other gifts to church almost every Sunday in December.
It was good. There seemed to be a spirit of giving among the people.
The church always took up an offering to give to the preacher and his family. They would go to the Sunday school classes and collect money during December. I will probably never forget that the year the pastor accused me of not tithing, my family gave generously toward the pastor’s Christmas gift. I knew the total amount given, and I knew how much we gave. Ours was a significant percentage of the total offering. And there he sat that day, giving me a 2 on my evaluation for tithing when I had not only tithed but also padded his Christmas offering.
Funny enough, the church didn’t take up any kind of gift to give any of the other staff and employees. It was business as usual. No gift card, no extra paycheck, nothing at all. Just the pastor. And can I just be completely transparent… that didn’t feel good at all. It made the pastor’s position seem so elevated… the senior pastor was the head honcho, the big boss, the man of God… we were just the helpers, the elves if you will. This creates a stressful work environment at best… as an employee, you are asked to give toward the pastor’s Christmas present… you realize his elevated status… you know the church as a whole almost worships him… so where does that leave you as an employee… I’ll tell you where it leaves you… it leaves you doing whatever he asks, whenever he asks you… without question, out of respect for his position… and the members, in turn, do the very same thing because who questions this man called by God… and then you basically have a cult…
That was a tangent I didn’t plan to go on, but there you have it…
Tree Town also had a Christmas Eve service. This was new and completely foreign to me. Our family already had many traditions, so we could not attend this service for several years. When we finally did, though, we enjoyed it very much. It was a simple service. There would be congregational singing of traditional Christmas songs, and someone would sing a “special.”
What is a special? I’ve never even contemplated the absurdity of this until I typed it out and realized it made no sense at all. A “special” is when one person sings alone at church or even in a small group. They are brought on stage at the appropriate time, and they sing. That is a “special,” and it’s yet another term I realize is just part of the church language.
After the special, there would be a very short devotional at this Christmas Eve service. Then the entire church would form a circle around the sanctuary and hold candles while singing Silent Night acapella. It was cool. I remember one where the worship pastor started the song in a key that was too high for him. We were screeching before it was over, and it still makes me laugh to this day.
The Christmas Eve service, back then, was short and sweet and over in less than an hour.
That service didn’t change until 2018, when the new pastor wanted to one-up the music minister. So that was the year he “let” the music minister have Christmas Eve off so the rest of the staff could plan what the pastor thought would be a superior Christmas Eve service. As far as I know, that is the model they follow at Tree Town to this day.
None of the services or events I’ve written about above are wrong. Churches have traditions; you learn what to expect and embrace them. It becomes an integral part of your life.
I’ve looked through my pictures of our last Christmas season at Tree Town.
December of 2019 was crazy. All those traditions that were started way before we ever joined the church were still happening… and we added so many more.
There was a Christmas parade that the community started a few years prior. It was fun, and it was a great way to take part in community events. I did very little for this. However, there was a lady at Tree Town who was amazingly talented. I literally gave her a budget, and she made the magic happen. She had a team of people who helped her, and they did a fantastic job together. My only job was to secure riders, and Santa hats for the riders, put stickers on candy, and print handouts for our parade walkers to pass out. But it was one more thing on the December calendar which required extra hours.
There was the preschool musical I was in charge of, along with the Happy Birthday Jesus party that followed. Then, there was the staff Christmas party, all the Sunday school parties, gifts and activities, the kids had their youth parties, there was the Christmas Eve service and day of sacrificial giving after Christmas… the list goes on and on.
As the years passed, each of those activities grew. The Christmas Eve service became a much more detailed and involved service. More people were singing, more speakers, more time involved in practicing…
The parade float got longer… The Pre-K musical became more involved… The Happy Birthday Jesus party had more decorations, food, and activities…
Everything was growing. The church was growing in number, the events were growing in size and participation…
Let me just admit… my natural born personality and ways of doing things have always been bigger is better… not less is more, but more is more… if one is good, three is better… if the budget is $2,000, what could we do with $5,000?
Some of those events at Tree Town became more complicated because of my own doing. I always wanted to improve. I always wanted to do things better than the time before… people responded to those ideas. They enjoyed the productions, the parties, the services, the parades… I more than helped feed that frenzy.
We were doing things, we were growing, and we were showing up as a staff! To stay the same meant you weren’t growing. Never do things the same way twice. Keep it interesting. Keep it fresh. Make sure you’re earning your pay. It was understood that it was good to keep growing and changing things up and proving your worth to the church.
But where and when does it stop? When is it good enough? When…
Is there a beauty in simplicity that we miss when everything gets bigger? I wish sometimes that I could go back and undo some of my making things bigger. I feel like there are people who volunteer or who are on staff today at Tree Town still making all of those things happen, and I can only imagine how tired they are.
What if, one year, the Christmas Eve service became simple again? Would the church respond the same? Would they think the staff was slacking? Is there even a way to simplify things once they’ve gained a life of their own?
All of those events and services were planned with the good of the church in mind. The parade, the musical, the party, the Christmas Eve service…
And none of those things are bad. None of them are things that churches shouldn’t do. They are fun, interactive, and community-building. All good. But the culmination of all the parties, gifts, events, services… all of them together quickly become too much. And as a “faithful” member of the church, you are expected to partake in all of them, and as a staff member, you are required to participate, help, or lead… And pretty soon with all of your family obligations, work obligations, and on top of that your church obligations… December is gone, Christmas is over, and all you have left are pictures and exhaustion. I did that for years. There are people who are still doing it, and probably enjoy it, and would say they don’t want to change one single thing…
But I will NEVER do that again. I had no idea how wonderful Christmas could be until I was free from all the obligations. I didn’t understand the beauty of simplicity. Unfortunately, these activities and obligations become such a part of your life that you never step back and realize how much of your time, energy, and money you spend on the church, at the church, and around the church.
I have attended zero Christmas parties this year. I have baked zero Christmas cookies or goodies to give away. I have purchased zero presents for any teachers. I am concerned not one bit about gifts I need to get for people in the church… AND IT IS WONDERFUL! If I bake, it’s because I want to. If I purchase a gift, it’s because I want to, not because I feel like I have to.
But at Tree Town, I was bought in, sold out… I didn’t even realize how deep until I removed myself. One tradition had piled onto another and then another until there wasn’t a moment to breathe. Everything revolved around the Christmas happenings of Tree Town Baptist. Everything and everyone else took a backseat. The church was the priority. The people of the church were the most important. I didn’t even realize what we had done.
And now, when those memories pop up on my phone or my social media feed, I have a moment of sadness. I remember the good times and the bad, and I grieve for what is lost. And then I find myself happy that I’m no longer living in that bubble.
So, what does Christmas look like for us this year?
Let’s say it’s way different, in a good way.
I know I haven’t gone into much detail about where we attend church now or what ministries we are involved in… I’m saving that for later…
But, I was sitting in a meeting this past October. We discussed the next few months and putting together the worship schedule. It was then that I realized that Christmas would be on a Sunday this year.
I have always had mixed feelings about Christmas being on a Sunday. I mean, as a kid, I hated it. I had to leave my toys, get dressed up and go to church. I didn’t like it even when that church was just a mile down the road. When we had to drive 20 minutes to church, that was even worse.
If you are honest with yourself, you probably feel the same way. It just seems wrong to admit it.
As I got to be an adult, I still felt like we had to rush things along to make it to church on time, and I didn’t like that part, but I learned to embrace the idea that there wouldn’t be Christmas without Jesus. He was the reason for the season, so shouldn’t we come together to worship Him on His birthday? So I learned to only semi-dread going to church on Christmas Day with that frame of mind.
Back to this meeting in October when I realized Christmas was on a Sunday…
The pastor said, ” Well, Christmas is a Sunday this year, so we won’t have services that day.”
I gasped audibly. I said will you please say that one more time, I was sure I heard him wrong. But when he repeated himself, I clearly heard that we wouldn’t have service that day since Christmas was on Sunday.
I didn’t even know what to think.
The pastor began to explain himself… the church isn’t a building, he said… the church is a group of people… why would we ask people to leave their families and rush through their morning… why would we ask our volunteers to get here extra early on Christmas Day just so we can sit together for a few minutes…Technology has allowed us to come together that morning in a new way. We can meet the people right where they are. They can stay in their pj’s, drink their coffee, and spend much-needed time with family… church isn’t a building…
Wow.
My Christmas this year looks very different. Different than I ever thought it would be. Heck, I’m going to stay home on Christmas Day, and it’s on a Sunday!!! The sky is definitely falling.
I’m learning to view things differently. I’m peeling away the layers of tradition and man-made church responsibilities.
One might even say that I’m Finding Life Beyond Church…
Until Next Time,
Whitney