Guilty…
Guilt: (noun) the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime
Guilt: (verb) Make someone feel guilty, especially in order to induce them to do something
Guilty: (adjective) culpable of or responsible for a specified wrongdoing
How does this pertain to church…
When you miss a service or a church activity, that absence is an implied offense (noun). Because you committed an offense, you are then made to feel bad, so you don’t repeat that offense (verb). Then you are marked as someone responsible for this wrongdoing, and you are now guilty.
Repeat offenders are now considered less than other church members because of their lack of commitment.
This can result in a guilt complex. You begin to feel like an inadequate church member.
“A guilt complex can have a serious impact on a person’s overall well-being. Over time, people may begin to develop a sense of inadequacy that makes it difficult for them to pursue goals.” (Cherry, 2022)
You can’t ever quite seem to do enough. And this could cause a couple of things to happen. First, a church member will either work harder and volunteer more to seek the approval of those trusted members, or they will just quit because they realize they won’t ever be able to make the church and its members happy with the level of involvement they are comfortable with or capable of.
I received a text message a few weeks ago from a friend. This friend has also been working through the process of deconstructing what Jesus intended the church to be and what religious people have made it into.
She sent me this message on a Sunday morning. A time that, for years prior, she would have been in church.
She began to realize while she was doing some cleaning around her house that for many, many years, she would have felt guilty for not being in church on a Sunday morning.
She said that even though she and her husband worked long hours each week, she still felt like they had to be in church every Sunday. We’re talking about the husband working 60-70 hours a week. Monday through Saturday… Days that started before the sun came up and ended after dark. Which kept him from being able to spend any time at all with his kids during the week.
Meanwhile, she was working a full-time job and taking the kids to school and extracurricular activities, as well as cooking, cleaning, and managing the finances. They had zero family time. And before you say that maybe they needed to prioritize their time, I would like to remind you that there are a lot of households that require both parents to work full-time jobs to make ends meet. Their situation wasn’t something that was uncommon, and it also wasn’t something they could change.
When Sunday School teacher’s meetings were held, these families were discussed. Not just this particular family, but all the families that weren’t “faithful” to Sunday School. It was never mentioned as to how we could make things easier for these families but instead how we could get them to be more involved in church.
What she was feeling was real. People were discussing their faithfulness. I even found myself “encouraging” her to make church a priority. I would tell her that there was no better place for their family to be. I would tell her that if she didn’t keep her kids actively involved in the church and its activities, she would one day regret that decision.
I raise my hand… I added to the guilt. And I downplayed her need to spend time with her family outside of the church.
So, because of the guilt she felt, she would get herself and her kids ready, and attend Sunday School, and then if her husband could make it out of bed after a hard, six-day work week, he would join them for worship.
If he couldn’t make it, she felt guilty and, in turn, made him feel guilty as well. It caused arguments, and tension within their family.
It never failed that someone from the Sunday School class or someone else in the church would stop by her pew and tell her that she and her husband had been missed. Or if she attended Sunday School without him, someone would say where is your husband today? Doesn’t he know we have Sunday School?
Now that sounds good on the surface, but those “we missed you’s” were often loaded. I’m sure some of them were well-intentioned, but from certain people, she always knew it was more of a guilt trip than a genuine “we missed you.”
And now, well, now, she feels free. Free of those burdens, free from the knowing looks across the sanctuary, free from the expectations that she felt while being a member of a church.
Can we just stop and realize how sad that is? How sad is it that this institution that preaches God first, family second, and church third instead puts more emphasis on attendance rather than practicing what they preach?
It brings me back to that Carey Nieuwhof… “Pastors talk all the time about reaching new families. Perhaps it’s time to stop sacrificing them by make them so busy with activities that the don’t have time actually to be a family.”
When church becomes a burden to a family, we automatically assume that it’s their fault, and their priorities are all out of whack, but maybe it’s the church whose priorities are messed up.
And how and why did the church lose focus on these important things? When did they begin to focus on attendance and dedication to the church… when did church attendance become synonymous with loving and serving God?
Please hear me… I don’t think that church is a bad thing… I don’t think regular church attendance is a bad thing… I don’t think that being a part of a church is a bad thing…
I completely understand that Jesus Himself said, “On this rock, I will build my church”
I don’t question the importance of the church, I question what it has become, what we have made it, and how far it has come from what Jesus intended it to be.
For instance… let’s go back and look at Sunday School attendance… and while we look, let’s remember that Sunday School is found nowhere in the Bible… Sunday School is man-made.
Is it bad? Nope… I learned a lot of things in my Sunday School classes as a child and as an adult, but making people feel guilty for not attending… well, that’s a whole different story.
You see, Sunday School attendance was something that was closely monitored at Tree Town. There was an official process in place to do this. The Sunday School president got to church early to get things ready. He would ensure someone was there to cover his job if he needed to be absent. It had to be done each and every week. The church secretary even prepped stuff for the Sunday School “buckets” throughout the week.
This job was important. The Sunday School records had to be impeccably kept. An official piece of paper was delivered in a plastic tub each week to each class.
When you walked into a Sunday School classroom, the tub was already there waiting for the teacher or the class secretary. The paper had a list of names. That list was comprised of Sunday School Class members… I think you officially became a class member after attending three consecutive times and becoming a church member.
The member’s attendance was also closely monitored. If a member missed a certain number of Sundays, they received a call or a note from the class teacher or secretary to let them know they were missed. If there were visitors in the class, we were required to have them fill out another slip of paper that could also be found in the official tub. That slip of paper was used to get information like age, marital status, address, phone number, etc., so it could be entered into the system. Then class visitors would receive some kind of welcoming note from the class.
After filling that card out, those people immediately became church prospects. I’m not joking; they were added to a special list and then pursued by the class and the pastor.
My kids still tell stories of how excited they would be if they were chosen to deliver the Sunday School Bucket to the Sunday School Office. It’s funny how something we thought was so normal was actually quite strange.
Let’s go back and visit this word…
Prospects…
Prospect: (noun) a person regarded as likely to succeed or as a potential customer, client, etc.
A potential customer… a potential client… a potential member… a potential tither…
While in that church bubble, I thought nothing of referring to these people as prospects. It was how the business was done.
We were told over and over as staff members that, as a church, you have one chance to make an impression. Just one. If you can’t impress those visitors on them on their first visit, chances are they will go to another church.
How many times was this discussed in staff meetings? Too many to count.
I want to stop and tell a story about the time the pastor had “secret” visitors attend church to test us, but this is a long post already, so I’ll save that story. But just know, this first impression thing was drilled into us.
The only way to grow the church was to convince these people that they should join. They should join this congregation, this Sunday school class, this church… And the only way to get them to join was to get them coming in the door regularly.
I will pause here to tell a quick story about the Sunday School class where my husband was on rotation as a teacher, and we were also members. The “head” teacher came up with the idea that he would give gift cards to the people who only missed a certain amount of Sundays within a quarter. What was funny is that this same teacher missed more Sundays each quarter than the number he recommended. But he insisted that this was a great idea, so he implemented it. And at the end of the quarter, he gave these gift cards to the “winners.”
An adult receiving an “award” for Sunday School attendance…
What a gross example of what guilt and coercion can do when it makes its way into the church system.
The church’s mission statement was “Making Disciples, Who Make Disciples to see lives transformed by the power of the Gospel.”
A more accurate mission statement might have been, Getting Members, Who get more members, to continue growing our membership…
There is a system in place. A very detailed system. And a system isn’t necessarily a bad thing. For example, attendance monitoring can offer benefits. It can let you know when a person might need to be checked on or need extra attention from the church. It can help gauge how serious a person is about joining the church. But the longer I’m away from that system, the more I question its integrity.
Why are we keeping up with when people come to our church and our classes? Why is this even a thing? Can’t people just come to church and not be a number or a prospect?
From the time a person walks into the church’s door, their visit is documented. Whether it be from the Sunday School card they filled out if they attended Sunday School, to the visitor card in the pew that you are asked to fill out so the church can have a record of your attendance, or even if you skip all of those steps, then by Monday morning the questions are circulating… did you see that new family… they sat by so and so… do you know who they are… do they go to church anywhere… how old are they… would they make good members… lots of kids…age, married, single… did they put their information into the kid check-in system…
We would know. Regardless of whether these visitors filled out the papers, we would know… And they would then be added to the “prospect list,” and we would begin to pursue them to add to the church membership.
I’ll never forget the first time I explained church membership to my daughter. She had never heard of the “church letter” system that most churches use.
Suppose a person joins a church by Baptism (which is a whole different conversation). In that case, they are automatically added to the “church roll (records) of the church in which they were baptized. That church then holds their “letter.”
If that person decides to join another church, the new church they attend must send a “request for letter” to the former church. The former church will then typically vote in a business meeting to grant that “request for letter” as long as that member is in “good standing.”
Of course, the church can deny that request if the member is under church discipline or not in good standing. I’ve never seen this done, but it is an option.
When the new church receives that “letter,” the person then becomes a full member of the new church. That allows them the privilege to vote in a church business meeting and say they are a “member” of such and such church.
Suppose a person has been a member of a different denomination church. In that case, they can join by “statement,” but only if they were baptized by immersion. Still, if they were sprinkled or baptized as an infant, they would be required to be re-baptized into the Baptist church, and then they will be a member.
My daughter’s jaw was on the floor when I explained that to her. She, to this day, cannot fathom why a church holds your “letter,” why a request must be sent for your “letter,” why this strange “letter” even exists. But this wasn’t something I had ever even stopped to question. It had been a part of my life from the beginning.
This is simply a system that has been put in place by religious people to keep up with numbers. That’s all it is. There is absolutely nothing in the Bible about church membership that is done this way.
This is what the Bible says about church membership…
Romans 12:4-5
For as in one body, we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.
Ephesians 2:19-22
To equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.
1 Corinthians 12:12-14
For just as the body is one and has many members, and all the members of the body, though many, are one body, so it is with Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body—Jews or Greeks, slaves or free—and all were made to drink of one Spirit. For the body does not consist of one member but of many.
The Bible speaks about church membership as people working together as members of one body to reach people for Jesus. It doesn’t speak about letters or even becoming a member by Baptism.
In fact, Baptism is a commandment that has absolutely nothing to do with church membership.
It also doesn’t mention the church letter. There are places in scripture that speak of letters between churches, but these don’t pertain to membership.
Can you even imagine what a letter system like the one I described above would look like in Bible days? If someone “joined” a new church, did they have a special donkey they would use to transfer that “letter” to the new church?
Was there a person whose primary job was to move letters from church to church?
Did they send a list of new members each month?
It’s asinine to even think that the church system in place today is Biblical. It just doesn’t work, and there’s no scripture I can find that backs it up. In fact, based on the small amount of research I did, this system originated within the Catholic church and then was passed down to the Protestant churches.
You can read more about this here in the excerpt I’ve included below. It is easy to see how these practices were passed down through history. They are historical but not Biblical. We have again made a traditional and historical action into a Biblical requirement. We rarely stop to examine these practices because it’s just what we’ve always known.
The history of church membership in Evangelical churches begins with the Catholic Church, which implements its discipline over all the baptized, through a traditional sacramental system, governing the progressions of life from cradle to grave. Essentially, in this way the church presses the insistence upon every baptized child that he is “in” unless he insisted on being “out”, and the sacramental system was designed to strengthen his piety through which he might hope for salvation.
For a beginning contrast, the Reformers only acknowledged two sacraments: Baptism and the Lord’s table, and placed a much stronger emphasis on faith as the only instrument by which the grace of God is effectual for salvation. Furthermore, the Radical Reformation, and the Baptist movement later, asserted that Baptism is only valid if voluntary (“believer’s baptism“). These two departures from Catholic practice immediately produced a variety of approaches to membership in Protestant churches. National churches adopted some version of a parish system. In these cases geography was significant of jurisdiction, as in the Roman Catholic Church, so that it was not exceptional for members of the parish, though baptized, never to profess Christian faith. Furthermore, it is under these assumptions of geographical jurisdiction that dissenting groups were subject to church censures and civil persecution. But the core principles of the Reformation naturally gave weight to conversion, to conscience, and thus to voluntarism which is most radically expressed by the Anabaptists and the Baptists (in which the discipline of membership can only be entered into pursuant to the expressed will of those who profess faith, and can be dissolved in the same way). (Theopedia, n.d.)
https://www.theopedia.com/church-membership
The church membership process in many churches today is nothing but a manmade system to keep up with the number of people in the church. It’s a way to ensure they feel the need to remain faithful to that church, give to that church, and bring in other members.
I also researched credible sources and pastors to see the other side of the story. I was hoping to understand where this idea that church membership is Biblical comes from. In this article, the author gives examples of why he thinks the idea of church membership is in the Bible… “the idea,” but never a concrete verse that says this is how things should be done. And maybe I’m just cynical, but I don’t think his ideas in the article are persuasive. I’ve included an excerpt of the article as well as a link to the entire article below.
https://www.acts29.com/biblical-support-for-church-membership/
Becoming a church member means leaving behind the comfort of individualism and voluntarily allowing yourself to be bound to others. It is a beautiful picture of the Gospel. And we do this because Jesus joyfully left behind his comfort and bound himself to us.
Many find church membership a complicated topic. They aren’t sure why membership is necessary if they are otherwise committed to the church. The Bible contains at least five strands of evidence for local church membership. Each reveals something vital to the Christian faith which would be minimized or denied if there were no definable local church membership. (Acts 29, n.d.)
As I read through these articles, I’m left with the same feeling I have when I read articles about why hymns belong in a church over modern worship songs or why Wednesday evening services are so important… it’s all tied to tradition and holds very little connection, if any, to scripture.
Here’s yet another article in favor of church membership.
https://www.crossway.org/articles/10-things-you-should-know-about-church-membership/
This next bit of information brings things into focus for me. The Southern Baptist Convention “rewards” churches for larger memberships and offerings to the organization. I’m sure other denominations do the same thing, but to see this in print was eye-opening.
SBC Article III. Constitution 2: 1-5
1. Under the terms above, the Convention will recognize to participate in its annual meeting two (2) messengers from each cooperating church, and such additional messengers as are permitted below.
2. The Convention will recognize additional messengers from a cooperating church under one of the options described below. Whichever method allows the church the greater number of messengers shall apply:
(1) One additional messenger for each full percent of the church’s undesignated receipts which the church contributed during the fiscal year preceding through the Cooperative Program, and/or through the Convention’s Executive Committee for Convention causes, and/or to any Convention entity; or
(2) One additional messenger for each $6,000 which the church contributed during the fiscal year preceding through the Cooperative Program, and/or through the Convention’s Executive Committee for Convention causes, and/or to any Convention entity.
3. The messengers shall be appointed and certified by their church to the Convention, but the Convention will not recognize more than twelve (12) from any cooperating church.
4. Each messenger shall be a member of the church by which he or she is appointed.
5. If a church experiences a natural disaster or calamitous event and, as a result, the church is not qualified to appoint as many messengers as the church could appoint for the Convention’s annual meeting immediately before the event, the church’s pastor or an authorized church representative may, for no more than the three (3) annual meetings after the event, certify the facts to the registration secretary and obtain the same number of messengers it could have certified for the Convention’s annual meeting immediately before the event.
(2023 Annual Meeting, n.d.)
This, on the surface, sounds perfectly fine. But the way the system is used, frankly, is terrible.
More people, more money, more votes… More members, more delegates, more power, the bigger church, more clout
It has plenty of adverse effects.
It’s telling as to why so many pastors and others in the system want to find Biblical reasons why church membership is so important. Because, without a system in place, who gets the credit? Who gets the bragging rights? Who gets the power?
I found this article about membership programs. It’s fascinating how the church has taken on this worldly form of membership idea. In fact, this website caters to churches as well. The article talks about how well this system works for churches.
I encourage you to go read the entire thing and see what you think for yourself.
I included the portion below as a sample of how deeply woven church membership is to this kind of thing…
Here’s the link to the website:
https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/sustain/long-term-sustainability/membership-program/main
Establishing and maintaining a similar membership program for your organization can help you toward institutionalization by building a base of financial, political, and moral support over the long term. When people join an organization, their membership signifies they’ve made a commitment to that organization, and implies that their commitment will continue. And that continuation will guarantee your organization their financial contribution and support every year.
WHO ARE POTENTIAL MEMBERS, AND HOW DO YOU FIND THEM?
Everyone in the community is a potential member. However, since it would be difficult — in all but the smallest communities — to contact everyone, a list of people who are at least somewhat likely to be sympathetic to your organization is a good way to start. How do you get such a list? There are a number of ways to get a core list of names.
- Start with people you know. Ask everyone connected with the organization — staff, Board, volunteers, participants — to come up with a list of the names and contact information of a few friends and acquaintances who can be solicited. (Ten is usually a manageable minimum, and some people will come up with many more.) It might also help to pass the lists around, since some names may suggest others to some people. As you start attracting members, you may want to ask if they’d be willing to contact friends and ask them to join.
As is so often the case, the personal touch is crucial here. Research consistently finds that the most important reason people give for joining an organization is “Somebody asked me.” The people on the list should know that they’re being contacted because their friend is associated with the organization and wants them to join. If the membership solicitation is by letter, each list maker can write short personal notes on the letters to the ten or more people on her list. If people know that someone familiar vouches for and believes in the organization, they’re much more likely to join.
In its simplest terms, a membership program is one which asks people to contribute something – money, time, their presence, their names, certain actions – to your organization, in return for which they become somehow affiliated with it for a set period of time — usually a year. Members may or may not receive products, privileges, or other advantages over non-members. Depending on your organization, members may have to meet some standard or hold specific credentials in order to join (think of the American Medical Association, for instance). In any case, membership implies an “insider” status. Much of the purpose of a membership program is almost always to increase the financial, political, and/or operational stability of the organization.
(Community Tool Box, n.d.)
I think this information easily helps make the case that churches, over time, have taken on worldly standards for membership and have moved away from what the Bible originally intended. You can clearly see why attendance and membership are so crucial to churches.
Suppose we are a body working together to reach people for Jesus. Why does it matter if I have perfect Sunday School attendance? Why is so much emphasis put on this?
Suppose we are a body working together to reach people for Jesus. Why does it matter if I give my first 10 percent to the church… which ultimately plays more into how much money is given to the convention, which in turn provides the church with more voting power within the convention.
If these things become our motivation, then there is no mystery as to why guilt has become such a massive part of how churches operate.
In the end, the biggest reason for church membership is simply money. And the only way to get more money is to have the outward appearance of doing more stuff… creating things, doing things, hosting things…
You hear preachers repeatedly say that the church doesn’t need more programming. We just need more Jesus. But I know of at least one church that says this. Come Monday morning, they continue to plan programs to attract people and eventually hope those same people become members.
I know this firsthand after the pastor I worked for asked me not to hold our annual fall fest because it had not given us enough members in return for what we spent.
We needed prospects to add to our list. The programs needed to bring in these prospects.
Also, members tend to give to something that is in some way benefitting them. Thus, the need for programming for both members and visitors…we have to be seen as a church doing things…
The system is so common and has become such a part of our lives that my family didn’t see how bad it was. We were caught up, sold out, bought in…
As the years have passed and the scales have fallen from our eyes, we now see a very manufactured system being used in God’s name, for God’s work… and it really doesn’t have anything at all to do with God.
The more people come, the more committed they are, the more money they give, the more they talk positively about the church in the community… and the more guilt they lay on the members who aren’t attending and performing up to the standard the more the numbers increase… both in attendance and financially.
The more members and clout a church has also means good things for the pastor in the local Southern Baptist Convention and the National part of the convention. The more members and money, the more influence and clout the pastor has within the convention.
So if you see a pastor rising up within the ranks, pay attention. They are being recognized and catered to for a reason, and usually, they aren’t for spiritual reasons, but more for numerical growth.
The Good Doctor, who we’ve talked about on many occasions, had much clout within the state convention. He worked his way up through the years and even served as president for about 16 years. He proudly told us many times that he had a room named after him in the state convention headquarters.
A room named after him?
Doesn’t this sound like a club?
The Southern Baptist Convention itself, this huge organization, is worried about declining numbers in church membership, especially Sunday School attendance because research has shown that the most dedicated members and the biggest tithers attend Sunday School.
However, the Southern Baptist Convention’s worry has little to do with reaching people for Jesus and much to do with money.
And before you crucify me for having negative feelings about the SBC, let me say that I think they do much good work. Their missionaries to other countries are doing amazing things. There are churches, which I am currently a part of, that don’t let the SBC control their ways of doing things.
But take a little gander at the SBC. Look at the years of sexual abuse they’ve been hiding. And when it was questioned, the very first thing their Executive Committee president was concerned about was money.
It was very telling. And with new leadership now in place, there is a chance that the SBC can redeem itself. Still, my worry is that the corruption runs so deep within the system that there’s no way it can be overcome without a complete overhaul.
Everything I’ve described above isn’t unique to Tree Town. This culture permeates churches all over this country. And not only Southern Baptist churches but so many other denominations as well.
And it just leaves me shaking my head. This is not the church that Jesus intended.
These are clubs; where money is the center of all that is done, and guilt becomes the driving force.
That’s the long, researched way to get around to saying that I think this membership idea is a big reason guilt becomes such a massive part of the church’s custom.
It’s why the pastors push members to bring in visitors, Sunday School classes offer gift cards to class members who have perfect attendance, and youth programs give prizes to the youth member who brings the most friends… it all looks great on the surface.
Still, the motivation that is rooted deep within the system is what drives the church. Unfortunately, that motivation is money and power.
And nothing creates an environment for guilt more than those things.
The guilt is used to reach the goal… The church, the convention, and the denomination all use guilt to reach the goal…and again, many times, that goal is numbers, power, and money…
There are exceptions. I don’t want to lump all churches together. I know good preachers, pastors, teachers, churches…
But this guilt-ridden, money-hungry, number-focused church… This is not the church about which Jesus spoke. This is an institution, bastardized by human ideas and influence. Something that has been given qualities and qualifications similar to that of a club, sorority, fraternity… That’s just not what church is…
I just go back and think about my friend who feels free outside of a church… who no longer feels guilty for spending time with her family… who loves Jesus, who believes in the Bible, who knows scripture and practices the teachings in that scripture, who loves her family, who longs to find a church that embodies those things…
There has to be some way that churches can change and begin to fulfill The Great Commission… I pray that it can one day change… that someday we can Find Life Inside Church instead of Finding Life Beyond Church…
But until things change…
Maybe they are the ones who should feel guilty?
Until Next Time,
Whitney
*I do not receive any compensation from links included in this post*