I had a good friend who worked for a corporation. She was pretty young when she started there. In fact, she started at the bottom of the corporate ladder, and through the years, she worked her way up. She worked in many different positions. Some she really loved and some she hated, but she stayed because she loved the company and saw its potential. She loved what the company did and what the company stood for, so she put up with many inconveniences because of that. The company had a good foundation. The Board of Directors was filled with people who she not only trusted but people who had the same values and goals as she did.
At the peak of her career, the job she always wanted came open. This job wasn’t unfamiliar to her at all. In fact, she had been working in that area of the company for many years. So she applied, worked her way through the interview process, and eventually got the job. The job provided fewer benefits, and the pay was a little lower than the previous position she filled. Still, there was room for growth and an unspoken understanding that as the position continued to grow in its responsibilities, so would the salary.
This friend began her job with gusto, making changes to the department and building the clientele.
She loved the people she worked with. Many had been at the company for several years. The friendships in the office were real. Going to work was never a chore for my friend, something I always envied. This girl really loved what she did.
A few months into her job, the company’s CEO, who had been there for several years, abruptly announced his resignation. This came as a surprise to my friend. It ruffled her feathers a little, and she worried about what this would do to her position. She soon realized that the CEO, who she hadn’t always agreed with on every single topic and project, was someone she missed. After he had been gone for a few months, she regretted that she had been so focused on her new job that she hadn’t gotten to know him a little better.
I spoke with her during this time and asked her what this CEO change would do to her position. Would she still be employed when they hired someone new? I will never forget what she told me. She said that she trusted this company completely. She said that this company was solid regardless of who was in the CEO position. She told me she had complete faith in the Board of Directors and had no doubt that whoever they hired would fill the position well. In fact, she said she was excited about this new direction for the company.
It took quite some time for the Board of Directors to find the right CEO for the company. They interviewed several, but none stood out. As is standard with these types of higher-up positions, sometimes word of mouth is the best resume’. People know people in business. And so it was that someone on the Board of Directors was friends with a guy who knew a guy. When the Board of Directors interviewed this man, he was indeed a perfect fit. They skipped some of the interview and vetting processes with this man because of the recommendation they received.
My friend couldn’t wait to work for this new CEO. She told me he was extremely goal-oriented, had a vision for the company, and wanted to grow her department. In fact, he wanted her to receive an immediate raise.
My friend was thrilled. All the things she wanted to change in her department were now a possibility. I noticed a new pep in my friend’s step.
Soon after this CEO was hired, a long-time employee of the company resigned. My friend was heartbroken.
That position was filled, and soon after, another employee abruptly resigned. My friend said she never completely understood why this person left the company. But, it was all hush, hush, and the only side of the story she heard was that of the CEO.
My friend took these employment changes in stride and kept doing her job. And she was doing it well. The department was growing. It was taking in more money and continued to grow in clientele. The Board of Directors noticed the growth in her department and always had kind things to say to her. She felt good about the job.
But I started noticing things about my friend. She seemed tired all the time. She seemed to be losing some of her spunk. I saw she worked longer hours and spent less time with her family. I noticed that when we would be out together for dinner, her phone would ring, or she would get a text. She would excuse herself from the table to take the call, and it was always a call from the CEO asking her to handle a situation, even during her off hours.
I would ask my friend about these changes, and she would always just brush them off. She told me that the company was just in a transition period and it would all level out soon. She assured me that she just needed some rest. She still loved her job, she said. And so I didn’t press or ask anything more.
I continued to notice the decline in my friend. Her eyes didn’t have the same glint; she carried herself differently and always looked like she was on the verge of tears. She was also experiencing new health issues. She just wasn’t herself.
But, if I asked anything, she would immediately shut me down. She couldn’t speak about these things, she said. There were things in the company that had to stay inside the company. So she wasn’t allowed to discuss these things with people on the outside.
And so, I quit asking and just loved her and tried to help when I saw a need.
One morning I called my friend, and to my surprise, she was home. It confused me because this was a day she should have been in her office.
When I asked her why she was home, thinking she might have been sick, I was shocked when she told me she was home because she had quit her job.
I was flabbergasted. I couldn’t believe it. She quit the job she loved. Surely this couldn’t be true. Were things worse than I thought they were at the company? Had the exhaustion on her face been more than just exhaustion?
I asked her to tell me more, and she broke down in tears. She was crying so hard that I couldn’t understand her. The sobs were gut-wrenching. This woman was broken. I had known her for years and had never seen her this way. So I just sat with her on the phone while she cried. Finally, after several minutes she caught her breath and began to speak.
The things that she told me were incredible, in a bad way. She had been silenced by her CEO. She had been told that what happened at the office stays in the office. Details were not to be shared with people on the outside…
But that morning, she began to tell me everything. There were stories of sexual discrimination, of a boss who made sure she was always on call, of mismanaged funds, of unfair and unethical termination of other employees, and deep racism within the company. She told me stories of conversations she had with the CEO about other people in the company. She told me how he liked to talk about all of the other employees and members of the Board of Directors. She told me about the CEO’s ego, his medical condition that affected his behavior and moods, and how he continuously called her into his office to talk about things. He told her that she was the only real friend he had in the office. He liked to discuss ideas with her, and she appreciated that. But, she spent so much time working through his ideas and thoughts and listening to his complaints about others in the office that it affected her own work. She did this to the point where she had to stay after hours to complete her own job. He even changed her work schedule. Where before she was allowed to do a portion of her work at home, she was now required to come to the office. She spoke of her inability to ever do enough, though she found herself working many more hours than her job description required. She told me about things he did to other employees. How he belittled them and set them up to fail. Stories of a male-dominated office where the female employees were treated differently and paid less.
And what surprised me the most was when I asked her if she had reported these things to the appropriate people. She told me she had only spoken to one person on the Board of Directors and a couple of people she worked with and trusted. I asked her why she hadn’t reported it to more people and why hadn’t she spoken to others. Her answer was that the CEO had become a good friend to her and her family over time. She respected him. So much so that she, at that time, couldn’t even see that what he had done to her was a show of abusive authority. She told me that when she resigned and told him all the reasons, he specifically asked her to not tell anyone. This was his dream job. Being the CEO of a big corporation was what his goal had always been. He was finally financially stable. His family was happy. It could harm people’s perception of him if she told the real reasons she was quitting.
He confessed to her that he was sorry for how things had gone down. He admitted that he struggled with selfishness. He told her again that this was the first time he had managed a company this large. He promised her that he was learning and working to change to become a better person. If he just had time… more time to acclimate to the new job and position… it would get better. He was working and trying, and he knew he needed to improve some things. He knew that people were frustrated with him, and he was doing his best to correct it, to renovate himself if you will.
But if she told her story, it would only add fuel to the fire. If she was a good friend, she would just be quiet. One more strike against him could cause the Board of Directors to examine him more closely. He could lose his job. She didn’t want him to lose his job, did she? Would she be kind enough to protect him?
And she agreed. She would never want to harm this friend or his family. She assumed they would remain friends. She didn’t want to cause any damage to the friendship.
She was in so deep that she didn’t see that what he asked of her was abuse. And she didn’t realize that staying silent was ruining her chances of maintaining her own credibility. And because of her friendship with the CEO, it didn’t cross her mind to file any kind of charge against the company or even a complaint. She only sought to protect him and his position.
She was blinded. She had seen the side of him that pushed, the CEO who was never satisfied, the person who was under qualified for the job, but who’s ego was too big to admit it. She saw things that only those close to him would see. Everyone else saw the happy CEO. The one full of life and excitement. She later realized that narcissists rarely let people see their true colors. And it’s only those closest to them that bear the brunt of their abuse.
This was why she continually questioned what had happened to her. Surely he didn’t mean it that way, maybe he was just having a bad day, he was in over his head, he just needed some help…
It wasn’t until other employees were mysteriously let go and long-time members of the Board of Directors suddenly left the company that she realized she wasn’t the only one affected by this new CEO. And it was then that she began to speak out, slowly at first and then more boldly. And it shocked her to no end when people didn’t believe her. People within the company she had known and loved decided to accept the CEO’s story as truth. These same people she had worked with, day in and day out, didn’t come to check on her or ask her what had happened; instead, they began an inside campaign to protect the company’s reputation.
The CEO was no longer her friend. He had disappeared not long after she resigned. And she found out later that he had worked tirelessly to maintain his persona and credibility within the company.
He had the Board of Directors eating out of his hand. They were bending the rules, changing bylaws, and allowing the CEO privileges that no other CEO had ever been given.
They gave him a raise, extra time off, a vacation stipend…
He hired and fired at will. He chose his friends to fill positions. He created job descriptions for others to make his job more manageable. He blamed anything that went wrong on the people he hired. Yet, he continued to be loved and adored. He surrounded himself with people who had money and clout. He babied them and made them feel important. He ensured that the important people in the company would always have his back in a stressful or complicated situation.
He played his cards, and he played them well. He kept his hand close. As a result, he raked in the money and enjoyed the life of a CEO. And no one was the wiser.
My friend spent years trying to put her life back together. She gave so many years of her life to the company. She didn’t know who she was anymore.
Thankfully, I’m beginning to see a change in her. She seems more alive today than she did back then. I see that glint returning to her eyes. She looks happy. She has found a new purpose.
Looking back now, she sees all the things she should have done differently. She knows she should have spoken up immediately. But what’s done is done.
She now questions everything. Was the company she worked for corrupt? Was the Board of Directors not who she thought they were? Obviously not, because they never came to ask why she resigned. They didn’t care about her well-being, only the company’s well-being.
It’s sad when an organization begins to lose sight of what’s important. When their focus becomes to protect a company over the people. I know that after seeing how my friend was treated.
I’m not entirely sure how the company my friend worked for is doing today. I’ve heard that several more have left. The turnover rate seems to be high.
They continually bring in fresh new people. They keep the place looking shiny and bright. From the outside it appears that they are keeping things running smoothly and that they are still a successful company.
But, word has spread through the community. People know. They may not admit it, but they know. Yet, they continue to protect the company.
They’ve spent too many years building it. Too many hours, too much money… it’s a pillar in the community. It stands big and tall… It’s known as “the” place to work. I seriously doubt it would be that way if there were other options.
My friend even told me one time that the CEO mentioned that the company was vulnerable. He said that all it would take for the company to close or at the very least shrink significantly was for a younger company to build in the area. Something fresh and new would attract the young professionals.
As you read the above story, you probably realized it’s my story woven into a different narrative. Instead of a church, it’s a company; instead of a pastor, it’s a CEO. But the elements of the story are the same.
I’m sure it’s easy to be angry toward a CEO and harder to be angry with a pastor you’ve been told is the Man of God.
In fact, if my story had been a corporate story, had I worked for a company and you heard details of the things that happened to me, you would encourage me to speak out and tell my story. You would want people to know what happened to protect others from enduring the same thing.
Instead, I’ve been told I should just forgive and forget. Just let it go, that’s the Christian thing to do.
But why?
If I had worked for a secular company, I would have likely filed sexual discrimination charges. I know at least two employees who could have filed for wrongful termination. But the rules are different for churches. They don’t have to abide by the same rules a company does.
But, when you hear a story about someone who has been abused by a company, is your immediate response to protect the company or the person?
I know the answer for me is that I would choose to protect the person, the people harmed by the organization…
So why is it different for a church? What exactly is the church protecting?
One of the most mind blowing comments I’ve received since I started writing this blog has been people telling me that by writing and telling my story, I am hurting the church. I’ve even had people tell me that what I say is good and right, but then they ask what will happen if an unbeliever reads it, or what if someone who is on the fence about attending a church reads my story and decides to never attend.
I will never understand why it is perceived that the ones who have been hurt and are hurting are the ones who are hurting the church. Isn’t that backward?
Let’s look at the situation through a different lens…
If I punch you in the face and hurt you, and then I tell someone else what you did to me… who got hurt? Well, I did, and your reputation did. And that wasn’t my fault. If you had never punched me in the face, I would never have told anyone that you did.
Until Next Time,
Whitney