I no longer worry about God punishing me for some little mistake or misstep. I’ve worked through most of that. I’ve learned that God is very much a God of wrath, but also very much a God of love, and those two things can exist with one another. I’ve learned that He isn’t walking around heaven waiting for me to do something stupid so He can smite me. The majority of those childhood fears I had are gone now.
What I have learned about God, and it’s a beautiful thing, is that He relentlessly pursues us. I remember hearing preachers say that if we didn’t get right with God that one day God would just give up on us as if it was all up to me. As if our relationship with God is totally dependent upon our actions and has nothing to do with His Sovereignty. But that isn’t how God is. I am His child. He loves me. And when I start to run away, He runs after me. Just like I would run after my children if they were headed toward danger. So many times, in my life I have witnessed Him doing this and sometimes the way He does that is by removing obstacles to get us on the right course. The course He has planned for us.
Everything that happened at that small country church was so very painful. We lost so much; friends, family, comfort, and stability. But we gained knowledge, we gained understanding and we found a new church family. Once we got over the pain, we were able to see the beauty. On our own, we never would’ve left that church. We were comfortable. It was home. It took a catalyst to make us leave.
I will always believe that we left so I could find my husband.
If you were to hear him tell his side of the story, he would tell you that he looked down the pew at me that first Sunday and thought to himself “I’m going to marry that girl”. I was only 13 years old, and he was 15.
By April of 1992 we had formed a friendship, and one Wednesday night he asked me to “go with him”. That was the terminology we used for boyfriend and girlfriend back then. He also loves to remind me of how I broke up with him that September and broke his heart. We were apart for about 2 months that year but other than that we’ve been together ever since. It was young love, kinda like the old song by the Judds. We literally grew up together, and I knew I loved him from the beginning. That’s why I broke up with him for those two short months when I was 13, I was too young to understand my feelings and they scared me.
We weren’t allowed to date at that young age. His parents would drive him to my house and then my parents would take him home. When he turned 16, he would drive to my house on the weekends. We had our first date in December of 1994, one month before my 16th birthday. My parents allowed me to go one month early because I was having another surgery that year on my birthday. We went to Western Sizzlin’ and the Bowling Alley. It wasn’t fancy, but it was perfect.
We were young and in love. I couldn’t wait to marry him, and on my 18th birthday, he proposed to me. We were married one month before I turned 19 years old.
Our wedding was like a dream. We were married in the church and the reception was in our brand-new activity center.
I started planning my wedding when I was 10 years old. I poured over Modern Bride magazines. I made a list of songs I wanted to be played at the ceremony. I picked out what kind of dress I wanted, flowers, food, cake, the whole shebang. I’m not sure what drove me to think about my wedding at such a young age, except maybe that’s the exact age I found out about my birth defects and when all my surgeries started. I remember talking my mom into buying me an issue of Modern Bride in the hospital gift shop and after that first issue, I talked her into a subscription. I would look through them and dream of my own fairytale wedding. In my mind it was as if I could ever make it to my wedding day, to walk down an aisle and marry my prince charming, that would be when I had made it through all that pain. It was my goal, it was very much my fairytale, and it kept me going.
Maybe that’s why it was such a wonderful affair. I had been planning it for almost 10 years. I think I’ll indulge myself and take a minute to relive it just a little.
I always dreamed of a Christmas wedding. The sanctuary and reception area looked like a winter wonderland.
The candles were lit to the song “You Light Up My Life” because that was my mother in laws favorite song and my mom remembered it being on the radio the night my brother was born. Our parents and grandparents were seated to “More” because my parents loved that song and remembered it from their wedding. The bridesmaids entered the sanctuary while our good friend sang “Lady” because I just loved that Kenny Rogers song and I thought it set the tone for the bride. I walked down the aisle to the traditional “Wedding March”. I actually surprised my groom by singing to him. I sang “Surround Me with Love” because it was my Mamaw’s favorite song and I loved it too. It said everything I wanted to say. We lit our unity candle while another sweet friend sang “As for Me and My House” because we were dedicated to being a Christian household. We left the ceremony to a recording of “We’ve Only Just Begun” by the Carpenters. Every detail had some significance. I planned it that way.
There wasn’t a dry eye in the house. I could’ve sold Kleenexes and paid my mortgage for 20 years with the money I made.
It was as if we belonged to everyone in that church. They walked with us through our whole dating relationship. They knew how much we loved each other. It was a special time in our lives. We were sharing this wonderful moment surrounded by people we loved who also loved us. It was beautiful.
We honeymooned in Disney World and when we returned we resumed our positions at the church. By this time, we were both teaching Sunday School, yes even as young as we were. We were helping with the youth ministry even though we were still teenagers ourselves. We helped cook for every event, helped plan every event, and when something was going on in the church, we were there to help.
Both of our children were born while we attended this church. These people also loved our babies. We were raising our children surrounded by amazing people. We dedicated both of our children to the Lord in this church. To put it simply, our lives revolved around the people and happenings of this church. Life was good; busy, but good.
So why did we leave? Why aren’t we still there? Trust me, it’s a good story.
Until Next Time,
Whitney
Surround Me With Love
Charly McClain
Sometimes when life’s poison arrows shoot me to the ground
Dreams come fallin’ down, friends just can’t be found
I don’t worry, I don’t wonder, I know what to do
I don’t go crazy, I just go for you
Surround me with love, I need you beside me
I want you to hold and hide me
When this world is closin’ in on me
Surround me with love, oh and I can make it
Whatever comes, you know I can take it
Just as long as you surround me with love
Who can say what comes tomorrow, what the future holds?
What lies down the road, heaven only knows
But one thing I know for certain, one thing that’s true
One thing I’m sure of is I need you
Surround me with love, I need you beside me
I want you to hold and hide me
When this world is closin’ in on me
Surround me with love, oh and I can make it
Whatever comes, you know I can take it
Just as long as you surround me with love
Source: LyricFindSongwriters: Norris D Wilson / Wayland HolyfieldSurround Me With Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group