This blog is linear unless otherwise specified. I may at some time decide to do a breakout post, but for now, I feel like I should keep the story in linear form. If you are reading this post and haven’t read the others, I recommend you go back to my first post to understand how we have arrived at this part of my story.
The next several posts will be informational and may not appear to be spiritual in nature. I might not quote much scripture or offer any spiritual advice or insight. This part of the story is important because it chronicles the downfall of my church experience at Tree Town Baptist. It’s helpful for me to look back over those last few years and break down where I started to fall apart and when the spiritual and emotional abuse began.
It’s also crucial for me to see where I was wrong and make restitution where I need to do so.
October 11, 2016, was my first day on the job as Children’s Coordinator. It was a Tuesday. I was so excited. I got up early that morning, picked out my clothes, got my Bible and notebook, and headed to Tree Town. The staff meeting was at 9, and I didn’t want to be late. The church had a staff meeting every Tuesday morning. This was the schedule put in place when my friend took the Children’s Coordinator job because Tuesdays were easiest for her. She lived in town, so she could easily go back and forth from home to the office. This wasn’t true for me. I lived 30 minutes away, so if I came in on a Tuesday, it just made sense to stay the entire day and get my work done. I was required to attend staff meetings, but any of my other work could be done at home. I was given a laptop to take home with me. Many things could be done at home, but I would need to be in the office to accomplish several things as well. My “contract” said I would work 8 hours each week and get paid a little more than $100 each week. It wasn’t long before the pastor realized that I was working more than twice that much.
He changed the schedule to have the staff meetings after lunch on Wednesdays, and I could just stay in town for Wednesday evening services. I could work from home for the remainder of the week if possible. The pastor was extremely flexible. He was big on getting your work done but didn’t care where or how you did it. Being in the office wasn’t important. I appreciated the flexibility.
I realized that this job would be different than I had anticipated about 5 minutes after walking in.
I had this romantic idea that a church staff position would be the perfect place to grow in my faith. What better job than a church job to do this?
I imagined shared devotionals, prayer time, sharing of burdens and joys, iron sharpening iron, and a spiritual atmosphere.
What I encountered was more business-like. The staff meeting was quick. It was mainly to make sure everyone’s calendar was in line. I was slightly disappointed, and I had my first inkling of misgiving about taking the job.
I need to step back and explain a few things. Up until I took this job, I was a stay-at-home mom. I also homeschooled our kids. This was a decision my husband and I made before we were married. It was one of the most important things for us. In 2016 our kids were now old enough to manage their homeschool workload by themselves for one day a week. They were also old enough to be home alone for that day and take care of themselves.
We had a family meeting before I took the job. We agreed as a family that this was obviously something God was calling me to do and something He was making available to me. They saw that I flourished in an environment where I could use my creativity and other gifts in ministry. We all thought it was a perfect fit, and since I had been carrying such a large volunteer workload before I was hired, it almost seemed like it would be easier on me. We vowed that we would all be honest with one another. If we ever felt like the job was causing me anxiety or exhaustion or any kind of unhealthy thing, we would bring it up and discuss it as a family. We didn’t want the job to overtake our family. This job would always be something I would quit if it seemed like I should. It was a family decision.
On my very first day, something kind of strange happened. The Youth Pastor came to my office and told me how excited he was that I had taken the job. He said that he had trouble staying motivated and on task and that I could just tell him what to do (insert face palm emoji).
He wasn’t lying. He was young, newly married, and completely unorganized.
I laughed when he told me this but soon realized he would indeed need my help.
I started my job off with many ideas, and I was itching to start them. The pastor cautioned me not to do more than I could handle. If I’m honest, I was offended. I couldn’t understand why he would ask me to hold the ministry back. Shouldn’t we grow it as much as we could? Now, six years later, I recognize his wisdom, and I wish that I had listened to him with all my being.
Things were rocky in the office through the end of 2016 and into 2017. The youth pastor and his wife had their first baby. His work schedule was erratic. Things were being left undone. We didn’t know at the time that his wife was really struggling with post-partum depression. It makes me sad to realize that we didn’t know.
The church and the staff weren’t a safe place for them to share their burdens. Maybe they were worried about what people would think or that they would be judged. I can only speak for myself, but I regret how I handled the situation. I wish I had been more of a friend. Yes, the ministry wasn’t getting the attention it needed, but God didn’t call a man to put his job first; he called him to put his family before the job. I realize now that, unfortunately, this was the culture of how this church. This is how things were expected to be done; keep your head down and keep working… church must go on.
Two things I didn’t know when I started… I had no idea that the youth pastor would resign in March 2017 and the pastor would resign in April 2017. Second, I had no idea how this would affect my job. I didn’t realize that it would increase my workload more than double.
I didn’t realize the hours I would spend keeping everything running smoothly or the burden I would feel to ensure the church was taken care of in the absence of two staff members.
That summer was rough.
That’s the only way I can describe it.
Our church secretary’s husband was diagnosed with cancer, and he wasn’t doing well. So she took a leave of absence right about the time the pastor resigned if my memory serves me correctly.
That left the music minister and me.
The music minister’s wife filled in for our secretary. The whole thing was just a lot. There were differences in opinions, power struggles, and no real chain of command; it wasn’t an ideal workplace.
Keep in mind that I never went to seminary, I never trained for a church position, and I had no real idea how a church office was supposed to run. Still, I was pretty sure this wasn’t the way things should be done.
The church called an interim pastor in the late summer of 2017. I use the term “called” gently because, in all honesty, he called himself. He found out that we had a vacancy, and he volunteered his services. He had served as president of the state convention at one point, and he was revered by many. So the church felt “honored” that he would be doing the job. I had such high hopes that this grandpa-like man would bring the stability that I longed for and he would impart his wisdom to the staff.
After the summer we had, that’s just what we needed.
Until Next Time,
Whitney